


Defective

by OverMyFreckledBody



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Feelings Realization, Internal Monologue, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Prompt Fic, Self-Hatred, Short, implied depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 07:47:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11375760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OverMyFreckledBody/pseuds/OverMyFreckledBody
Summary: Shiro wonders how creepy it would be to say the wordsI would die for youand to mean them. Not even - maybe something closer toIwantto die for you.





	Defective

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eugyne (AreteNike)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AreteNike/gifts).



> _[maternalcube](http://maternalcube.tumblr.com/) suggested:_
> 
> _song prompt:[somebody to die for by hurts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWC35H6JWik) :^) _
> 
> originally posted to tumblr [right here](http://cryingovershance.tumblr.com/post/162502755974/song-prompt-somebody-to-die-for-by-hurts)

_I’ve got nothing left to live for_  
_Got no reason yet to die_  
_But when I’m standing in the gallows_  
_I’ll be staring at the sky_  
_Because no matter where they take me_  
_Death I will survive_  
_And I will never be forgotten_  
_With you by my side_

 

* * *

 

Shiro wonders how creepy it would be to say the words _I would die for you_  and to mean them. Not even - maybe something closer to _I **want** to die for you_.

 

Because he does. He means it completely and he kind of wants to say it. Ever since the thought of it popped into his head, it’s all he could think about. Since then, ever since he’s been around _him_ , it’s been harder and harder not to just blurt out. 

 

Confessions are like that, he supposes, because this is a confession, of sorts. Or, well, it _is_ , but it’s more than just _I want to spend time with you,_ and even _I love you_. It’s just, _Lance, when I die, I want it to be for you_.

 

Okay, yeah that sounds a lot creepier.

 

He remembers waking up in the infirmary pod, everyone’s wary faces shifting to relief at seeing him awake again. He remembers the flashes of images that pressed against his eyelids as soon as he was conscious, remembers the memory of Lance’s firm muscles under his fingertips when he pushed him out of the way, remembers the sharp pain that went through his gut afterwards, black taking everything after that. 

 

He remembers how Lance kept to the sidelines, doing a guilty shuffle, out of reach and out of way, keeping his eyes on Shiro up until the second Shiro turned to him, before he would be staring anywhere elsewhere. He remembers not being mad at what Lance was probably worried about, not irritated at him loosing focus in the middle of battle, but just that desperation to convey _it was worth it_. _It would be worth everything and anything to keep you safe_.

 

He remembers that it was sometime after he didn’t care about Voltron anymore, didn’t care that some people felt him a hero, didn’t care that he was actually saving the universe. It was sometime after he realized he wasn’t doing this for glory, or specifically to save others (as fucked up as that sounded, it wasn’t what he cared about), but just that he was already doing it. Sure, there was the whole _only five certain people could control the lions_  and all of that, but…

 

He didn’t have any real passion for it.

 

But in that heated moment out on the field, in seeing those precious seconds before Lance would be harmed, he felt it. He felt the passion, the scorching fire of it drive him to shove Lance out of the way, mind actually calming about the fact that he was the one to be hurt instead. 

 

A part of him that he should feel sick over, feel it to be twisted, but all he can do is feel apathy over it, thinks that if there’s anything he wants to do, any particular way he could choose to die, whether in fighting, blazing glory, or what else… he wants it to be in some way connected to Lance. Him, and his safety and emotional assurance.

 

It’s a weird way to find out he loved somebody. More than that - it was fucked up.

 

Now, lying in bed, a _metal_  arm thrown over his face, he realizes everything about him’s a little screwed sideways anyway. Why’s it a surprise to him that the way he loves someone is too? It isn’t, really, if he thinks about it.

 

Still doesn’t mean he can tell Lance, though. He’ll be a very lucky man if the thought never leaves his mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> [my shance/vld blog](http://cryingovershance.tumblr.com/)


End file.
